ADS FOR SHITTY MOVIES! ADS FOR SHITTY MOVIES THAT YOU CAN SEE IN AN AD FOR ANOTHER SHITTY MOVIE!

I watched the trailer for "World Trade Center", and didn't notice a Zoolander ad at all, but maybe that's because I'm not a pedantic, star-worshipping Hollywood junkie. I did notice, however, some very typical Oliver Stone cinematic lameness. That people would find a "Zoolander" ad in the trailer for a movie about September 11th remarkable doesn't surprise me in the least, though. They are, in effect, standing in the midst of a forest, lost in the detail of not even a single tree, but a hand-carved "Brad Loves Jenny" heart, carved on the trunk of that tree.

In short, WHO FUCKING CARES?

Did you ever want to see two ugly geek hags and a moderately attractive lawyer talk about vacuum cleaners fighting eachother? Well then today is your lucky day!

I wanted to give Xeni the benefit of a doubt. I enjoy watching two pieces of machinery destroy eachother and then I saw who was hosting the gig.

Who were they? None other than Xeni Sucks favorite, Soylent Blue and other denizens of the Xeni's web 2.0 mob squad of obscurity Annalee Newitz, and Jennifer Granick.

Don't miss Soylent Blue's witty lines, such as, "I'm sure there's lots of cross-pollination when the alcohol flows"

So I really wanted to imagine like buzz saws and flame throwers. Now that would be interesting! Imagine people actually modding their roomba's to turn them into living room kitten assassins! That would be a wonderful thing. Think of my dismay when the video rolled (at a sped up frame rate to make it seem more interesting no less) and it proceeded to show two roombas merely bumping up against eachother.

what the fuck? This is videoworthy? Get off my screen Soylent Blue! What kind of god damned MAKE hipsters thought that this would be a "cool" thing?

For an added bonus check out Soylent Blue's Buffalo Bill inspired wall design for her GETV backdrop. "It puts the lotion on its skin!"

Xeni has another far too lengthy cut and paste blog about how internet censorware doesn't really work. She also quotes an amusing tidbit about BoingBoing's arch-nemesis SmartFilter.

"SmartFilter blocked the Declaration of Independence, Shakespeare’s complete plays, Moby Dick, and Marijuana: Facts for Teens, a brochure published by the National Institute on Drug Abuse."

Alright -- we get it. Keyword based internet censorship accompanied by a blacklist doesn't work.

Eventually the government is just going to do *more* censorship. Everything on the internet will be blocked except for a carefully maintained whitelist of sites that people will have permission to visit; undoubtedly limited to library book lookup pages and the weather.

Then when people like Xeni cry foul the government will go, "Hey you were right all along! Don't blame us we did what we had to do..."

VIOLET BLUE WAS, LIKE, BROWSING THE WEB TODAY, YOU KNOW, JUST DICKING AROUND, AND SHE FOUND THIS... WELL, I CAN'T REALLY EXPLAIN IT, BUT I ASSURE YOU IT'S BOTH TOTALLY HOT AND REPULSIVE, SO I WILL HEREBY QUOTE TWO PARAGRAPHS IN WHICH SHE DESCRIBES HOW SHE WAS DICKING AROUND LOOKING AT STUFF AT GOOGLE!1111 CALL YOUR MOM, WAKE THE NEIGHBORS!

THAT THE FEDS TOTALLY TRIED TO HAXXOR ADRIAN LAM-O'S BLOOD, BUT HE TOTALLY PWN3D TH3M BAXKKOR AND NOW HE'S TOTALLY IN TROUBLEZ! NAZIS!

WTF, dude on probation refuses to provide a blood sample, gets in trouble, Kevin Poulsen writes it up in Wired, and Xeni has to hear the "news" from Jacob? Is the Wired PBX broken or something? Internal email not working?

Thanks to Toshiaki for the pointer to this masterpiece of modern technology journalism. Textcasting: 15 minute audio files with text in the description, so you can scroll through and read it.

Just like if you had put the text in your "Notes" directory, and, say, scrolled through them and read them.

How long before she lets us know how someone "TOTALLY MASHED UP THEIR I-POD AND A SHARPIE MARKER TO MAKE AN ALUMINUM POST-IT NOTE THAT IS SO ZEN?"

And he didn't even get paid for it! He was so nice he decided that he would waive his consulting fee!

Sean was quoted as saying, "... And give them a big welcome to our blog world. I'm really excited about this, and think it's going go a long way for the people in LA and how they view, interact with, and think about the LAPD."

Really, Sean? You mean you haven't done enough for them already? Let's see what kind words you and Xeni have had to share about the LAPD:

LAPD used police computer systems to look up celebrities: Here's a good one where Xeni makes a xensational headline regarding one particular police officer abusing privilege.

Hollywood foots bill for LAPD spy cams: Ah remember the time when Xeni and Sean Bonner played their own version of the Da Vinci Code and went through Hollywood pointing out the locations that the LAPD had setup spycams to bust pirates. Classy.

Launching 'Big Brother' Flying Drones Over L.A.: Xeni xensationalizes another headline to indicate that the LASD's use of automated drones instead of helicopters to chase criminals is akin to "Big Brother"

More DayWithoutAnImmigrant photos, videos from LA: Xeni posts a comment from a reader named Mark Oshiro who says "The quality isn't stellar, but it is more than enough to see the brutality with which the LAPD used on innocent, peaceful protestors."

Police Officers vs. Protesters in MacArthur Park: Sean's one-sided tale of LAPD brutality against immigrants.

Really, LAPD great work guys. With friends like Sean Bonner and Xeni Jardin who needs enemies?

This just in: DDR TV show for CBS kids!

Uh. What the fuck did you do at E3, Xeni? Take pictures of yourself the entire time?

Oh and check out the google translation of Xeni's friend chester's blog. Really classy stuff on after-pornochanchada. FIGHT THE FIGHT! DEFEAT CENSORWARE IN SCHOOL! THE VOICES OF BLOGGERS MUST BE HEARD!

My friend Kathryn Cramer wants everyone to know that she has uncovered legislation brought forth by rethuglican Michael Fitzpatrick to ban www.myspace.com in public schools!!11eleventy!!1!21

And not just myspace, but "Neopets, Flickr, AIM, YouTube, Yahoo! Groups, Blogger, Odeo, Slashdot -- and a whole lot more!"

Special fearmongering clue: "It would kill Wikipedia except that it's commercial only."

Alright, first. What kind of dumb fuckhead goes to Wikipedia for social networking? Have you seen the people who hang out there? Not exactly a haven for the ladies so it's off my social networking list.

Second, whether or not you agree with filtering in school libraries, don't you think that children ought not to be chatting with their buddies over the internet with our tax-payer funded bandwidth pipes on school time?

Xeni's friend Danah Boyd had this answer for the world (as published on LA times)

"Teens — particularly those from poor families or rural areas — need school and library computers to gain access to social networking sites, she said.

"Of course there are bad situations. But … I can tell you a number of kids who have been molested in school by teachers," Boyd said. "Does that mean we don't send kids to school?""

Uh... even I don't have a witty retort for fucked up nonsense such as that. Obviously Xeni's friend Danah is in a little fantasy world where myspace is akin to the government paid-for institution known as EDUCATION.

Really this is too much fun, but I promise this is my last post on the subject. I thought it would be neat to really sort of put a general comparison on Xeni Jardin's popularity on the internet so that we all are aware of how little effort it takes to make money off of being an extremely minor celebrity:

Xeni vs Bodily Odors

Xeni vs Other bloggers (that spot on the bottom is interest generated by us here, I suspect)

Xeni vs Non-notable celebrities

Xeni vs horrible diseases

Xeni vs One-hit-wonder musicians

Xeni vs Countries you've never heard of

The list was surprising to me, not because of Xeni's lack of popularity, but because it touches a point to how the microcosm of the internet works. It's amazing how one who has such a surprising lack of popularity in the world at large influences so much behind the scenes. Don't believe me? Look at this and then compare it to this.

The "Lonely Island" guys have Xeni to thank for their success. Seriously. Do you think they would have made it on SNL otherwise? I doubt it, the surges in their popularity directly coincide with the posts that Xeni makes to boingboing.

Why did Xeni notice the "Lonely Island" guys? Was it because they were unique and exciting and "creative commons"? No. Becuase one of the members of the Lonely Island guys, Akiva Schaffer, is related to self proclaimed hacker, Micah Schaffer; one of Xeni's friends (the same guy who uploaded that video of Xeni at e3 to YouTube).

Now they have an SNL gig. Chalk one up for the web 2.0 overlords.

There will be some who think I'm spouting conspiratorial nonsense. Yes, I am. On the other hand I didn't even mention asmallworld...