This morning in Los Angeles, a large alligator tried to eat a naked gentleman who was smoking crack.

The alligator had the man in his jaws when deputies arrived at the La Brea tarpits about 4 a.m. today. They were called by nearby residents who reported hearing a man yelling for help.
[Mark] Frauenfelder, 45, of Culver City, suffered a broken arm, partially amputated left arm and trauma to his left leg.

Oh snap, that wasn't Mark after all... Would have been sweet, though.

So I go to do a quick read of the boingboing RSS feed to see if Jenny is out of surgery yet, but nothing. "No biggie, I'll just recap Mark, Cory and David's idiocy, instead," I think, yet it seems the grown-ups all left Cory home alone. Still, I started to dig in, but about the fourth whiny bullshit "copyright" preaching post in, I closed the window and said, "fuck it".

So fuck it.

8397.2 miles away, this or that trivial bullshit is going on, but Cory Doctorow will keep his eyes on the proverbial prize: copyrights, digital rights management, more copyrights, and how hard it is for a white man to fly these days. I mean, you have to bring ID??? WHEN WILL THE INJUSTICE END? Keep up the good fight, Doctorow. You're totally not an insipid, self-absorbed little twat, completely bereft of any sense of perspective. Really, you aren't.

1) OMFG, TSA ARE MORONS, SOMETHING SOMETHING PIE SOMETHING SOMETHING.

2) Trans-continental reacharound to Jacob Appelbaum and fascinating self-referentia. Fascinating for Xeni, apparently, while boring for the rest of the world.

3) Become an expert in matters Third Worldian in a few short paragraphs, just like Xeni did. Also note the hidden coded reach-around to Violent Blue with this text gem:

In the same manner as you might see "gardener" or "for rent" painted on urban walls in the US, one can find paint-on-concrete guerilla ads for genital reconstruction surgery here.

Hrmm, interesting, Jenny. Why is it you're in Guatemala, again?

Even when sending the entire world an "I'm Away From My Desk" announcement.

One cannot help but assume that the real purpose of this vacation may, in fact, be the final surgical completion of a lengthy gender-conversion process. It's only a small logical jump to assume that one Dr. Qwetzenpretzel will be the one inverting Ye Olde Weenis into a Canal of Doom.

Oh yeah, I said it. Someone's been off the chain again.

That actually is wonderful.

Or maybe I'm being sarcastic. Who even knows any more?

Every Topic in the Universe Except Chickens dot com.

Isn't it wonderful when some dude sets himself on fire? Xeni thinks it is.

Isn't it wonderful that scientists have figured out that apparently head trauma causes brain injury?

Isn't it wonderful when there are minor problems with electronic voting? I know every time I hear about problems with voting machines, I get a happy little knowing smile on my face from all the joy.

Isn't it wonderful when people dig around the internet for links that they can use to frame yet another mention of their "Zero G" flight from, what, 2000? Yep, pretty wonderful.

Isn't it wonderful when Xeni sends the world another coded message about her gender identity?

Isn't it wonderful that people look to Boingboing for advice, on anything?

Isn't it wonderful when Xeni copies and pastes a paragraph someone else wrote about someone else making a documentary about events that we wouldn't even *know* about had the individuals involved not already *made* a "documentary"?

Yes, people, these are all wonderful things. They are such by definition. After all, they were all posted in the last two days on "A Directory of Wonderful Things".

One thing that is actually wonderful, at least to me, is a biter that thinks he's a troll. Keep those comments comin', why?!

Yet, strangely apropos:

"Lately, I've been scraping the bottom of the barrel for material."

I can only assume he's speaking in the plural; he's hardly the only one scraping the bottom of the barrel for material. Seriously, though, I feel bad for his kids. Imagine, if you will, that you had a dad that was as mentally challenged and self-absorbed as Mark is. That'd be friggin' awful. Fortunately, my Dad kicked ass. He was pretty proud of me for getting in the New York Times for calling people out on their bullshit.

Munition the First: OH NOES, SOCIAL GRIEFING!111 You remember "social griefing", right? That's when someone who isn't a "friend of Boingboing" or associated self-appointed dipshit from the outdated and pointless WELL community that constitutes most of the boingboing retards. Well, what Xeni "Shithead" Jardin means by "social griefing", of course, the rest of us would call "trolling". It's always the biters that don't get the joke.

Munition the Second: The CIA is using technology to help them perform their tasks!111111!!!11 This just in: they also have electric lights in their offices, and frequently send "email" to each other. These two facts: equally as interesting as what software the CIA is using internally to do their job. Did I mention that they have indoor plumbing, too? Because they do...

Munition the Third: When the BBC deletes specific comments, it's called 'censorship'. When Cory Doctorow and Pals remove comment ability altogether, what's it called?

And now, the fourth in this series of three (thanks to J to the Thrizzee): Could someone please explain to me why anyone would, after having their meds taken from them, go ahead and board a flight?

"OMFG, WAPO STOLE JENNY'S INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY!111"

What's particularly amusing about this is that "Violet" thinks "Xeni" "wrote" Boingboing's 'first post' on the issue, despite the fact that Mark did.

Then there's the issue of Mark having picked up his "breaking scoop" from Wired.

But let's look beyond that; it wasn't the Washington Post that nailed this scoop, it wasn't Xeni, it wasn't Mark, and it wasn't Wired; it was Soghoian that broke his own story on the web. Either bloggers are journalists, or they aren't, Violet. You can't have it both ways.

Then again, Jenny, "Violet" and "Christopher" all have one thing in common; they all have an innate desire to be on TV.